Doorways Chapter 8d

“Did you know the students have a 'Support for poor old Master Hawk' group?” Darius asked as they sat at a corner table.

“I did, yes.” Zach nodded.

“Great. So my rather feeble attempt at a love life is speculated even among a bunch of sixteen year olds.” Darius stared out of the window.

“Hey those kids care Darius. They aren't stupid either. They recognise a stink when they smell it.” Zach said reproachfully.

“I know, I know.” Darius sighed wearily. “I had my first graders comparing me to Romeo Montegue.”

“Ah right, I see. No need to ask who your Juliet was.”

“Don't, Zach.” Darius stirred his coffee. “There's nothing I can do and as the days drag into weeks then there's not a lot anyone else can do either. It was a tragic mistake that should never have happened. She'll be fine.”

“Will she hell.” Darius snorted. “Bowles reckons she fencing stolen machine parts down there, Darius.” Darius winced. “I dare say she's obtaining a few of those parts too. She's living in a storage bunker behind a loan-shark's den.”

“Bowles really shouldn't have to do that.” Darius muttered.

“No, he knows what he should and shouldn't do. He only gets scraps of information but he risks his job relaying what little he does find, to us.” Zach said bluntly.

“For shit's sake. I know, Zach, I know!” Darius said desperately. “All this is doing is prolonging everyone's pain, hers included. She isn't coming back Zach! She can't come back! She's gone. OK? Why can't people see that there is no way for her to come back? If there was, I'd have taken it. I love her, for shit's sake!” He flung down his teaspoon.

“You know, that's the first time I've heard you say that. Did you realise that? It's blatantly obvious but you've never, ever said it out loud.” Zach pointed out.

“What difference does it make?” Darius snapped suddenly. “I'm fed up to the back teeth of this. I'm fed up of feeling like this. I'm fed up with people treading on eggshells around me. I'm fed up with the pitiful looks I get as though I'm some sort of cripple. The ones that don't look at me in pity, look at me as though I'm a freak. The worst ones of all, the ones that make me want to scream, are the ones who look at me in contempt. Those looks on those faces betray how weak and useless they think I am. You know why they're the worst? Because looking at them is like looking at a reflection of myself.” Darius stood up and barged from the coffee shop.